A dinner to remember .... a heart warming story to share

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you. The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I did to not get to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Pass this along to everyone with an aging parent, to a child, to an adult, to anyone with a parent. Here's hoping today is better than yesterday and tomorrow.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!

Learn as if you will Live Forever & live life as if there is no Tomorrow

Leading through uncertainty to success

HP and Compaq are at it and even the UK and US stock markets are considering it. Wherever you look, Big Business M&A are continuing despite a deflated economy. But how would you lead during this time of significant change? What approaches would you take and which skills would you need to develop when leading through uncertainty to success?

Mergers supposedly represent a change for the better yet in the first few months of an acquisition, productivity falls by a staggering 50 percent.

Why the negativity?

One reason for this slowdown is that mergers and acquisitions often present harsh realities that lead to feelings of denial, betrayal, disengagement and anger. These and other emotions must be effectively dealt with before the day-to-day issues of running a business and meeting customer needs can get the attention they need.

But what is the role of a leader when it has just been announced that their organization has been acquired of merged? How do you stay focussed? What does it take to motivate employees?

The three crucial phases
There are three stages in a merger/acquisition

Pre-combination - Immediately after the merger has been announced, the "acquired" organization enters a limbo time. There is much uncertainty and little specific information available. This is the most difficult and trying period for leaders to manage.

Combination - Generally signaled by the official close of the merger/ acquisition. The two organizations begin day-to-day activities of integration. This is a busy time but there is much direction and guidance.

Post-combination - When all systems have been integrated and it is now a matter of maintenance and continuous improvement of the new organization. The role of the leader reverts to a more traditional role of managing daily operations. At this point the role of the new CEO takes on increased significance as they play a large part in shaping the culture of the new organization.

Leading through the pre-combination
The lack of tangible information during this phase can make it an extremely confusing time for both employees and managers. The work must go on, goals and targets need to be met, and customer demands need to be responded to, but it is not business as usual. This is a time of extreme uncertainty when employees in the merged/ acquired organization often feel betrayed and "defeated" at being taken over.

Setting out the skills
These are tough issues to deal with but there are six major skill categories on which leaders can focus in order to increase M&A leadership competency:

Emotional acknowledgement - It is essential to recognize that all employees will experience some type of emotion with the announcement, ranging from extreme anger and grief to happiness. As a leader, you need to handle this emotional fallout.

Work and customer focus - Keep employees focussed on work and meeting customer needs. This could mean renegotiating performance objectives and deciding which projects should stop and which are to proceed. More involvement in day to day processes adds to emotional support.

Communication cubed - Increase the number of staff meetings in order to communicate merger updates, even if the news is "there is no news". Seek out and provide as much information as possible regarding background of the acquiring organization and long-term strategy for the merger. Establish informal feedback systems and keep in touch with upper management to promote two-way communication.

Motivation and incentives - Re-recruit your best talent. Talk to your most valued employees and attempt to understand their needs in order to keep them motivated. Be generous and positive with feedback and consider introducing monetary incentives.

Creativity and involvement - Take advantage of the fact that rules about "the right way to do things" often fade out in this transition period. Encourage employees to try out creative methods without the usual obstacles. Remind them that this is an opportunity to change things for the better.

M&A savvy - Ensure you have an understanding of the types of activities which generally occur after a merger/ acquisition announcement. Expect to make mistakes, but focus on bottom line and meeting customer needs. Push for speed in decision-making, communication and integration.

Leading through the post-combination
This is where the CEO of your organization plays a significant part in these unsettling times. Companies undertaking acquisitions often focus more on the deal than on the subsequent integration of the companies - an approach which is doomed to reduced productivity and low employees morale.

After the merger, during the post-combination stage, it is the CEO who is largely responsible for influencing and reshaping (if necessary) the organizational culture. This plays an important part in terms of maintaining productivity for if there is a healthy culture, then there will be increased employee satisfaction.

Chemical case study
Important lessons can be learned about this phase when looking at what happened when Mom & Pop Chemicals (MPC) was acquired by ComChem. MPC was a small chemical firm which employed 22 individuals and had a "one of the family" feel to it. Employees were consulted about most of the organizational decisions yet had no say in the acquisition. This led to some resentment and bad feeling as employees were unsure of the exact reasons for the takeover.

However, necessary redundancies were dealt with privately which impressed everyone.

The transition phase was the most difficult for MPC but the new CEO, Fish, ensured that he made regular trips to the MPC warehouses and got to know the employees by name. He also presented a cash bonus for those who stayed with the organization in recognition of their hard work. Employees appreciated this and the fact that Fish seemed prepared to help at any level, even when it came to making the tea.

Employees were only given information on a need to know basis which did cause some confusion and frustration as they did not always see the big picture, but this was because the management themselves were unsure of exactly how all the pieces would eventually fit together.

The general consensus (from employees and management) was that, although some parts of the merger could have been planned a little more accurately, on the whole, it was a success. Because their CEO was open and honest about the difficulties in the transition period, employees were less resentful of the new organization. A prime example of this openness is when the management team made mistakes installing the new computer system as they admitted their mistakes and tried to learn from them.

Communication is key
Although pre- and post-combination phases of a merger or acquisition will feel very different and need to be handled in various ways, some aspects are pertinent to all managers at each stage of an acquisition. Communication, as always, is key, an increase in meetings at all levels is essential and acknowledgement of employees' mixed emotions and managerial errors will also help with a smooth transition.

Leading through a merger or acquisition is one of the most challenging times for a manager or CEO often requiring more social adjustment than many major life events. You will need courage to allow the emotions of your employees to be surfaced, the persistence to maintain focus on the business in the midst of turmoil and the patience to deal with individuals one to one.

Our Brains and Decision-Making: Emotional or Rational?

Neuroscientists are now discovering more about the brain and how it processes information and makes decisions. While much remains to be learned, apparently we may not be as rational and in control of our senses as we think we are.

The closer scientists look, the clearer it becomes that we are much like our animal ancestors. To understand the brain better, think of it in terms of three layers:
1. reptilian or primitive
2. dog
3. human

Three Brains in One

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The reptilian brain consists of the top of the spinal cord and the base of the brain. It consists of those parts we share in common with reptiles and fish. It is responsible for many of our automatic systems for survival, such as breathing and hunger.

Wrapped around these structures is the ancient limbic system which is very similar to the brains of dogs and other mammals. It is the seat of basic emotions such as fear, aggressiveness and contentment.

And encasing these older structures is the modern cortex, the folded gray matter sets us apart from other mammals. Although many animals such as dogs and chimps have cortexes, the human cortex has grown to a huge size. It manages all sorts of things, like hearing and seeing, reasoning, abstract thinking, and our personalities.

We call the prefrontal cortex the `executive' part of the brain because it considers all the input from the brain and makes decisions for goal planning and completion. Or, at least it makes decisions when we let it – when we don't let our dog brain take over.

Who's in Charge-
Emotions or Reason?

According to scientists who take pictures of the brain during decision-making, the more ancient dog brain is activated as well as the executive brain. There appears to be an ongoing debate between the two brain parts before a decision is made. And, guess what? The dog brain can just as easily win the debate even when logic should win out.

Experiments have shown healthy adults to take a bet even when they are sure to lose, when they can also make their opponent lose. The desire to punish the opponent overrides the desire to win money.

We have dog brains with a human cortex on top. Although our cortexes represent all that is human, logical, rational, and civilized, our animal tendencies are not quiet. They sometimes win the argument over our civilized brain, and make decisions contrary to rationality.

Know Your Brain

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We now know that our dog brains win out over our rationality many times, only we come up with logical excuses after the fact. These interactions occur deep within our brains so quickly, we aren't aware of them.

This was what Malcolm Gladwell was illustrating in his book Blink.
We make instant decisions without knowing why, and then make up rational reasons to justify an emotional decision.

The picture that emerges from the neuroscience labs is that we ignore our guts at our own peril. We must gain an understanding of how much like other animals we are. Whether we are trusting our partner, buying clothes or a car, or hiring an employee, we must be aware that our dog brains are very busy making an assessment, but in a different way than our human brains.

We have to pay attention to this part of ourselves, and realize its impact on our choices.

Push-Back: When Your People Resist Change

Change has become such a constant in the workplace that we are beginning to delude ourselves that everyone likes it. Although some people do thrive on change, it is a stress for most. I'd like to share with you some ideas that other managers are finding useful in lessening resistance to change.

Open up 2-way communication. Really 2-way. I saw a well meaning manager spend most of a meeting convincing his employees that a proposed re-structuring was going to be a good thing. Caught up in his own enthusiasm, he left only 5 minutes at the end for questions.

Many of the employees walked out grumbling. It's scary to invite questions because you don't know what will come up but it's scarier - and less effective - to avoid that dialogue. When change hits, run Q&A meetings, get together small focus groups at lunch, send out surveys.

Listen. To what? To facts and feelings. When you listen to the ideas people have about a change, you foster commitment for that change.

But you need to give them an opportunity to have their feelings listened to as well. One company, preparing for a departmental move, posted the layout of the new location in the employee lounge and invited staff to give suggestions on how to best use the new space.

Not only did employees have their ideas listened to, the posted layout also became a focal point for them to share their feelings about the move: "I really hate to move; I like this place. But, you know, if we have to, why don't we use that space for…"

Sell the change. A common mistake I see is that management oversells the positive side of change and looks at it solely from the company viewpoint - "We're going to save money." What's in it for the employees? I watched a Vice President field questions at a meeting called to familiarize people with a changeover into a more technologically-driven workplace. One employee said, "We're already understaffed. Where am I going to find the time to learn this new technology?" The answer was, in my opinion, masterful: "It will be time-consuming. The thing is that this is the direction our industry is going in. Without this change, in a couple of years we may not have a company or jobs. In the long run, this is your security."

Help people give up the past. We humans use ceremonies to help us mark important changes in our lives. When introducing change, build a ceremony around bidding farewell to the past. In one high tech company I worked with, a group of engineers finished a project - the creation of a prototype. The project leader knew that his staff was still thinking and talking about modifications to the finished model and he wanted to prepare them for the next project. He physically took the whole team to the mail room to "ceremoniously" send off the package with the prototype. His staff was now more ready to move on.